Naked Ronin Story
by emeraldteardrops
Summary: Joke fic, just for fun


**Naked Ronin Story**

_Summary_: This was originally intended as a naked Ronin story for Ghost of the Dawn. Because I think that she deserves it. However I believe that it has crossed a line that makes dedicating this piece to someone as being inappropriate. Lol. Please do not take this seriously, or you will find yourselves seriously disappointed. Rated M for…err…Kento. You'll just have to read it. (smirks)

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Sage was naked. Oh, how he was naked. It wasn't just a little nakedness, it wasn't the shirtless sexy beachwear kind of naked. Oh no. This was the bare butt, out there for the world to see, the oh my goodness is that really what I think it is? kind of naked. Normally the four men surrounding him would have laughed hysterically at the situation, finding clever comments and witty repertoire. However they were a bit preoccupied because they too had a problem. They were trapped in a mystical cage, sitting in a circle on the single large rock contained inside. They were also naked.

"I saved the world, you know," Ryo grumbled, shifting uncomfortably on the cold Nether Realm stone. "The least they could do was leave me a pair of boxers."

"We all saved the world," Kento shot back. "And you don't wear boxers, Ryo. I've seen the tighty whities."

"When have you seen Ryo's tighty whities?" Cye asked, sounding quite appalled. Which might have had something to do with that fact that he was covering the Mouri family jewels with his delicate and not quite large enough hands.

"It was part of the whole saving the world thing," Kento reminded them. "Fight the bad guys, don the armor, and flash the tighty whities. Seriously, you guys never knew this? How do you miss something like that? Asian dude in red armor frolicking amongst the flower petals in his undies as he reverts back to his normal everyday alias."

"Dude, that's so fucked up," Ryo muttered, turning redder. He was already red. You know, cause he was naked.

"Ryo and Kento, sitting in a tree…" a red head hidden from the middle of the naked Ronins started to sing in a happy little voice.

"SHUT UP!" Both Kento and Ryo roared at the same time. Mia managed to look hurt, but they couldn't see. Every naked Ronin back was pointed towards her, encircling her and keeping her hidden from view. It was very chivalrous, and they felt that they deserved the respect and dignity such a noble deed required. Mia however, locked in on every side by pairs of naked pearly white butt cheeks had to differ. Who knew that warrior rear ends could all look so squashy?

"Just trying to make the most of our situation," Mia replied perkily. "It's not like this is going to change anytime soon."

"The hell it's not!" Cye gasped, still quite appalled. "Robyn's on her way here with help."

"Yeah, cause Robyn's going to be willing to get us out of this out of the goodness of her heart," Rowen muttered. "Like she's not going to abandon us to our fate while she tries to grope Sage through the bars."

"Why would she be groping Sage?" Ryo asked, sounding hurt. "Why him?"

"Cause I'm prettier than you when I'm naked," Sage suddenly broke his silence. Ryo looked disbelieving.

"Seriously? There's no way that you're prettier than I am when you're naked. Right Kento?"

"Why the hell are you asking me?!" Kento cried, furiously covering his most prized possession. "Do I look like I think EITHER of you are pretty naked?!"

They all glanced at each other and then in unison replied, "Yes."

"That's IT!" Kento jumped up and shifted his handful into the other hand, leaving his right palm free to smack at his comrades. "You guys suck!"

Silence, then Rowen snickered. Kento roared and hit Rowen in the forehead with his free hand.

"Gross, Kento!" Rowen exclaimed. "Two degrees to Kento's bacon, I don't think so! Put that hand back where it belongs."

This time Mia snickered.

Everyone was silent for a while as Kento glared and then resumed his position. Sage looked out into the distance, an introspective expression on his face, his hands folded primly in his lap.

"You know, I always wondered how we would go out," Sage murmured. "This was not how I planned it."

"Gee, Sage really?" Rowen asked sarcastically. "You never planned to be naked-ed to death by the bad guy? Cause I always figured I would end up surrounded by this much beef before I was a goner."

"There are no words for that," Cye commented. "None at all."

"I didn't mean--" Rowen started but Ryo held up a hand.

"You. Beef. Lots of it. Dying wish, we got it Rowen."

"You guys suck," Rowen glared.

"I have never, nor shall I ever suck, Rowen," Sage replied calmly. "However, you might want to speak to Kento."

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Kento lost it, once more jumping up with both fists flailing. The Ronins ducked. Mia's eyes grew wide.

"Oh my," she murmured. Then she cocked her head sideways as she continued to stare, one arm held casually over her naked chest.

"Umm…Kento?" she asked curiously. "Are you…ummm…missing something?"

"What?" the Ronins all asked, eyes turning to Kento.

"No," Kento said, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"You are!" Mia exclaimed. "There's only one!"

"No there's not," Kento denied it, eyes glowering. "There's two. See?" He showed her. "Two."

"Umm…Kento?" This time it was Ryo speaking up uncertainly. "I think that's just the back of the first."

"That's one big first…" Sage noted.

"That's one flexible first," Cye added.

"Are we sure that's not two just melded into one big uni-" Rowen started, but then he clamped his mouth shut as Kento once more hit him in the face with his palm.

"Hey! Covered this already! Eww!"

"You liked it," Ryo smirked. Rowen gave him an evil look.

"You will die one day, Sanada," Rowen promised.

"Not here," Ryo decided. "Not like this. Never like this."

"It's not all bad," Sage decided, glancing over his shoulder and giving Mia a decidedly un-Sage like grin. She blushed but winked at him.

"How is Sage getting to come off cool here, when they rest of us look like idiots?" Cye complained. "Ryo, make him stop flirting."

"Sage, stop flirting," Ryo said perfunctorily. "We're in mortal peril." Sage smirked and raised an eyebrow to Mia, who blushed even more.

"I'm not flirting," he said calmly. "I'm reassuring the civilian."

"The civilian surrounded by five naked Ronins," Kento said skeptically.

"I like being reassured," Mia assured them eagerly. "You can reassure me all you want. All of you can."

Silence, then Rowen grinned.

"Okay."

Rowen was halfway to Mia before Cye grabbed him and hauled him back.

"She didn't mean it like that, you pervert," Cye growled. "Right Mia?" The look Mia gave Cye could only be described as naughty. Cye gulped then turned his back to her, cheeks squashing awkwardly as he re-covered and attempted to recover.

"Hey guys," Kento spoke up. "I hate to change the subject but what are we going to do if Mr. "I want to steal the good guys' clothes" bad guy comes back? We're kind of weaponless here."

"I'm not," Sage said firmly. Kento raised an eyebrow and suddenly Sage flushed for the first time since this all happened.

"I meant that I can still fight hand to hand combat," Sage clarified. "These guys aren't mystical, they're just tough. And kind of perverted. I can still fight them."

"Sage, you can't fight one handed against them," Rowen was shaking his head.

"I have two hands," Sage looked confused. "So do us all."

"No, I have one hand," Kento stated. "The other will be preoccupied. Those guys wield swords and there will be no chopped Kento steak tonight."

"You guys would die, would let Mia die, just to protect your manhoods?" Sage looked appalled. Sort of like Cye. "That's horrible. We're supposed to be heroes!"

"Heroes have clothes," Cye whimpered. "Me? I'm naked. With nakedness comes sweating and uncontrollable panic attacks. Add swinging razor sharp blades near to my…me-ness and I stop being a hero at that point."

"Guys, don't lose hope! Robyn's coming. She'll bring help," Ryo tried to keep their spirits up.

"Ryo, we're in the middle of the Nether Realm," Kento said glumly. "We're naked and we're stuck that way until someone lets us out. Who do you think has the kind of power to free us from a mystical nakedness cage?"

"Oh god, this can't get any worse," Rowen whimpered.

"Are you sure, Strata?" a deep voice asked in amusement from outside the cage.

"Laugh and you die, Cale," Sage glowered, then his eyes widened in surprise. "Um…do you think you can get us out of here?" he asked in a panicked voice.

"What's the rush, Halo?" Cale chuckled, winking at Mia. She openly grinned back and stretched. Hussy.

The rush was that he was stuck in a cage, and at the moment he was helpless to escape the fact that Robyn was groping him through the bars. Oh yeah, and Sage was naked.

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A/N Can we say "self indulgent"? lol. 


End file.
